This is not an Onion headline: Alex Jones’ InfoWars has found a new owner – The Onion.
In a move that the organization says was sanctioned by the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook mass shooting, the satirical news publication has taken over the very publication that for years promoted the conspiracy theory that the shooting was a hoax.
Fittingly, Global Tetrahedron CEO Bryce P. Tetraeder addressed his decision to buy the site in an article posted on The Onion’s website. Tetraeder wrote that the decision to acquire the site was an “easy one” for the Global Tetrahedron (yes that’s really the tongue-in-cheek name of The Onion’s parent company) executive board, calling InfoWars an “invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses.”
“InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society — values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron,” Tetraeder continued in TheOnion’s signature satirical tone. “No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.”
Though Tetraeder noted that the future of InfoWars is a “live issue,” noting that the excess funds that were bookmarked for this purchase will go to philanthropic efforts like “business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.” However, the New York Times has more insight into what will actually happen to the site. Everytown for Gun Safety, a nonprofit that was created in the aftermath to the Sandy Hook massacre, will relaunch a version of InfoWars under The Onion.
This is far from the first time Jones has faced consequences for peddling conspiracy theories. In 2022, juries in Connecticut and Texas awarded the families of Sandy Hook victims $1.487 billion in damages. Two months after the ruling, Jones filed for bankruptcy.
That same year Free Speech Systems, the parent company of InfoWars, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. That brings us to 2024 when a court-appointed trustee requested to sell, shut down and liquidate InfoWars. In September, that request was approved, which led to two auctions for InfoWars and Free Speech Systems.