After Donald Trump asked Long Island voters “What do you have to lose?,” Stephen Colbert came prepared with an answer. During his opening monologue for “The Late Show,” the CBS host unveiled a comically long list.
“What you’ve got to lose,” Colbert began after adjusting his glasses. “Democracy, reproductive rights, sanity, the environment, the department of education, the ability to look your grandchildren in the eye, the ability to wear a red hat ever again, support from our allies and the strategic McNugget reserve.”
Trump’s Long Island Rally is all part of the presidential candidate’s effort to win over New York, historically one of the most Democratic states in the country. During that same rally, Trump vowed to win over deep blue New York. To give a sense of how difficult this will be, previously Trump lost the state by 23 points in both 2016 and 2020.
“Oh, people love you in New York, sir,” Colbert said. “In fact, just this summer Trump won a unanimous vote from 12 of his peers.”
Colbert was in an especially silly mood on Thursday night. While talking about the White Dudes for Harris $10 million ad campaign, Colbert donned the persona of Tony Pepperoni, a dude’s dude who’s only interested in getting “some brewskis and wings” and voting “for who you want.” The bit involved a half-Chicago, half-Brooklyn accent and involved Colbert saying “Go f–k yourself” and picking fights over a woman named Brenda.
The late night host even busted out his Biden impression. After showing a clip of Trump talking about 12 cent White Castle burgers, the camera cut back to Colbert donning aviator sunglasses.
“What the heck? Jack, y’all kicked me out of the race for talking about old guy stuff — you know, pony soldiers and alley cats. But he gets to stay in even though he’s talking about 12 cent burgers?” Colbert said as President Biden. “Back in my day, burger cost you a button and a half.” Watch the full monologue above.
