Taylor Tomlinson, like a whole lot of Americans these days, is not a fan of South African billionaire Elon Musk. And so it is that, inspired by the sharp rise of people openly booing at the sight of his cars, she took great delight on Monday’s episode of “@fter Midnight” dragging Musk hard for the entirety of her monologue.
“Last week, it was Mardi Gras in New Orleans, which means crazy parties and parades. I always thought I didn’t have anything in common with all these fun, drunk party people? But it turns out we all hate Elon Musk,” Tomlinson said, at which point she played the viral and quite hilarious footage of people at one Mardi Gras parade booing, loudly, when someone drove by in a Cybertruck.
“It really is giving ‘straight guy at the lesbian bar,’” Tomlinson joked, adding, “if you have a Cybertruck, stay out of parades, OK? That’s why the Macy’s Day Parade doesn’t have a giant inflatable Kevin Spacey.”
“Obviously, Cybertrucks are ugly,” she added. “I think people who like them are into all the weird corners, maybe because they’re the type of people who like to corner you at a party. They’re like, ‘Oh, it reminds me of all the places I’ve made women uncomfortable.’ But the main motivation for all the booing is our country’s shared contempt for Elon Musk.”
“People hate this guy,” she continued, laughing. “We all do here, and the easiest way to show it is by taking it out on Tesla. It seems like he’s not super focused on Tesla right now, as he’s turned so much attention to cutting government departments for some reason. He’s abandoned his company so hard, you’d think it was one of his kids.”
“But the Tesla boycotts have hurt his net worth a lot. Tesla sales have dropped all over the world. In Europe, they’re down 45%. In Australia, they’re down 70%. In Canada, one politician proposed a 100% tariff on Teslas as a way of targeting the White House. I think putting tariffs in place that affect Elon is a great idea, which is why I’m proposing tariffs on hair plugs,” she joked, referring to Musk’s famously unconvincing sudden hairline re-growth.
“The main takeaway here is that Tesla is imploding, which must be so hard for Elon, because he usually prefers exploding,” Tomlinson added, referring to the recent multiple failed SpaceX launches.
“There have also been talks that China will target Tesla as a way to hurt Trump,” Tomlinson continued. “One CEO said, quote, ‘Beijing grants favors and withholds favors. They have many levers over Elon Musk and Tesla.’ Wait, they have Elon’s levers. Can you please turn him off?”
“All of these countries are sending a clear, targeted message to the White House: this guy sucks,” she added. “And Americans are echoing this statement by doing what we do best, vandalism.” At that, she showed recent footage of vandalized Teslas. “Teslas have become a huge target, so much so that many owners have been trying to disguise their vehicles so that people don’t know what brand it is.”
“If you wanted to go incognito mode, you shouldn’t have bought the most identifiable fugly car in existence. Like, how are you supposed to disguise it? By putting fake eyelashes on it. You think people are going to walk up like, ‘Oh, I was going to egg this Tesla. But upon closer inspection, I see now that it’s a beautiful woman, sorry,’” Tomlinson joked.
“Obviously it’s so unfair for people who bought the cars years ago. How are they supposed to know that Elon would destroy our government and they’d be getting stuff thrown at their cars,” she asked, before showing footage of the time Elon Musk was humiliated at his own corporate event when someone managed to break the window of a Cybertruck moments after he promised it was impossible.
Watch Tomlinson’s entire “@fter Midnight” monologue, below.
