Taylor Tomlinson devoted her monologue on Wednesday’s “After Midnight” to Tuesday’s vice presidential debate. And though she said it was boring, comparing the polite tone to “Game of Thrones” without the transgressive sexual content, she did have fun at GOP candidate JD Vance’s expense, particularly over the moment he whined about being fact-checked.
“You know this election is scary when people are actually watching the VP debate,” Tomlinson joked. “The matchup between [Vance] and [Democratic candidate Tim Walz] was a real barn burner. Just look at Don Lemon’s reaction.”
At that, she showed footage of Lemon watching the debate but completely checked out and on his phone.
“Maybe it’s a sign that I’ve gotten too comfortable with politics being combative. But God, that was boring. This felt like when you watch a regular fantasy show after you’ve seen ‘Game of Thrones’ and you’re like, ‘OK, where’s the incest?’ I don’t think I’m alone in saying the debate mostly left me sleepy, which makes sense. Two older white guys debating politics — that’s the original white noise machine,” she continued.
“I did perk up when I heard this,” she continued, playing a clip in which Vance said, “I’m 40 years old.”
“I’m so used to Trump and Biden, I was like ’40 years old? We can’t let a child run for office.’”
Tomlinson said the “only exciting moment” came when Vance was fact-checked during the debate, at which point she ran a clip of the moment when he complained, “The rules said you guys weren’t going to fact check.”
“This is like a guy getting caught cheating and then saying, ‘But you said you’d never go through my phone.’ The trust is gone. The trust is gone,” she joked.
After that, Tomlinson played a clip of what happened next: CBS moderators cutting off Vance’s microphones after he wouldn’t stop talking about said fact-checking.
“Before anyone asks, yes, I masturbated to this. A woman silencing men? Yeah, that’s gone in the spank bank. ‘I thank you for explaining the legal process.’ All sounds so familiar. If you’ve ever been on a date with a man, it’s all they want to hear. ‘Thank you for explaining Steely Dan,’ or ‘Thank you for explaining crypto,’” she added.
“Despite the fact-checking, Vance still would not admit on camera that Donald Trump lost the 2020 election,” she continued, rolling a clip of the moment in question. “Look, Trump lost. But JD, can’t s–t-talk his boss on CBS. Put him on Andy Cohen, then we can watch the sparks.”
Tomlinson did go on to say that the best moment of the night was courtesy of Walz, when he thanked people for watching the debate when they could have been watching “Dancing With the Stars.”
“This is a guy who cares about our interests. Trump doesn’t care if we miss ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ In fact, he hopes we do, and I refuse to go for someone who would deny me a saucy foxtrot,” she said.
Watch the whole monologue below.
