Stephen Colbert ripped into Donald Trump’s potential running mates on Wednesday night’s episode of “The Late Show”
“It’s not just [Trump]. We’re going to talk about who he might be picking for his vice president,” the host said of conservative politicians Doug Burgum and Kristi Noem.
“Now, currently, the hot new name is North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum,” Colbert explained. “Seen here being less interesting than a wooden post, Burgum is a rising star in republican politics. You know his slogan: ‘Vote Dave! Or Doug? Is it Doug?’ Burgum is the most exciting potential running mate since 2016 when Hillary [Clinton] picked … no idea.”
Colbert went on to throw shade at Burgum’s attempt to raise donations by prompting Americans with $20 gasoline gift cards.
“So who is Dougy-B? He’s a staunchly conservative businessman worth at least $100 million, who may be best known for qualifying for 2024 republican primary debates by offering $20 gift cards for $1 donations,” Colbert said atop an Axios report. “Spend $20, make $1 is also the official sales pitch of [fantasy sports betting company] Draft Kings. Draft Kings, your kid never rode that bike anyway.”
Noem was then up next for Colbert, who took shots at her for admitting in her memoir that she once shot a 14-month-old puppy.
“Recently, one of the previous candidates, let’s say, took themselves out of the running. I’m talking about South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, seen here about to rap about plumbing,” Colbert said as production showed a photo of Noem in a baseball cap next to kitchen sink cabinets. “Earlier this week, Noem willingly revealed that she — how do I put this delicately — murdered a puppy in cold blood.”
He then pivoted to Kimberly Guilfoyle, who he referred to as a “big mouth billy bass that only says slurs,” for defending Noem’s revelations.
In a separate segment, “The Late Show” joked about Trump calling for pro-Palestine protests to end by taking a jab at his failed Trump University through a fake college commercial.
“Are you looking for a university with no political protests? Look no further than Trump University,” the ad said. “Trump University has stopped all student protests on campus by having no students and no campus. Unlike Trump University, most American universities make the mistake of existing. But Trump University had the wisdom to be shut down for fraud.”
“You cannot sign up for something that was shut down for racketeering,” the video concluded.
