Stephen Colbert returned to the topic of the ongoing Republican 2024 presidential primaries during his Thursday monologue on “The Late Show.”
And mocking the way media organizations have covered it as if Donald Trump’s dominance is in any doubt, Colbert joked, “the Republican presidential primary is off to the races and it’s full of suspense,” Colbert said. “For instance, no one knows how long we can keep pretending it’s full of suspense.”
From there Colbert focused on said leading candidate, mocking remarks Trump made in New Hampshire about the cognitive test he took in 2020.
After a clip of Trump’s weird remarks, Colbert assumed his Trump impression, saying “I love the cognitive tests. I always I always find a whale. It’s usually, he’s usually just the left of the scary shark, you have to go around to get to the middle of the maze where Long John Silver hides his treasure chest. But I always do it, I always do it ASAP, because cognitive plus go to the counter. They give you free popcorn shrimp. Crayons.”
“So, at the very least he knows his giraffes from his Tigers, okay? Good enough to give the man the nukes. Instead of a nuclear football, they can just give him a ‘See and Say: The cow says, I am become Death destroyer of worlds,’” Colbert continued.
After some more jokes about Trump comments, Colbert returned to the topic of next week’s New Hampshire primary, noting that some polls have him tied with Nikki Haley.
“Yes, they are neck, and, uhhhh,” Colbert said as a photo of Trump, emphasizing the flab under his chin, appeared on screen. “Whatever that is, I’m gonna say a scrotum that is also somehow a vagina?”
There’s a lot more, and you can watch the full monologue at the top of the screen.
