During his monologue on Wednesday’s “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert got worried about the Transportation Security Administration after seeing what it posted about Thanksgiving this week.
Included among the agency’s guidelines for what kinds of food travelers can carry on planes with them was a deeply tongue-in-cheek section on alcohol, prompting Colbert to ask, “Are you OK?”
Colbert got to that via the fact that Wednesday’s show aired the night before Thanksgiving. “If you’re on the road, you’re not alone, because a recent survey reports 55 million American adults plan to travel for Thanksgiving,” he said.
“And, is this true? I’m being told that every single one of them is in the boarding group ahead of you.”
“So many folks are flying, that nearly 8 million passengers are expected to fly just on American Airlines — while Spirit Airlines reports similar numbers being asked to get out and push,” Colbert joked.
“To streamline the security process, the TSA put out some guidelines about which Thanksgiving dishes you are or are not allowed to carry on,” Colbert noted, mocking the fact that turkey is only allowed “on the condition that it’s cooked.”
“Oh, oh yeah, of course, a long ride in a pressurized cabin at 30,000 feet is perfect for anyone who likes turkey, but wondered, ‘Is there any way to make it drier?’” he added.
Then he brought up questions people may have about bringing alcohol. “The TSA is way ahead of you. They clarified that booze needs to be checked,” Colbert explained, noting how “their official blogs sassily writes, ‘check yo’ bottles, in yo’ checked bags,’ adding, ‘Thank goodness for Chardonnay,’and ‘so many bottles of wine and so little time.’” (This is true. See it here.)
At this point, Colbert turned to the camera affecting a dramatic pose. “Hey, TSA, are you OK?” he asked. “Is this the reason you’re always checking our liquids and feeling our cracks?”
He ended this bit with a very fun thanksgiving pun.
“Now when it comes to the sides — the ‘fixins,’ as we say — the TSA will let you carry on green beans, yams, and even mac and cheese. While gravy, of course, will have to travel…” Colbert said as he took another dramatic turn to the camera, “… by boat.”
After getting a solid laugh from the crowd, he cracked, “Thank you — I was halvsies on that one myself,” he then cracked. We’re thankful that one made it in.
Watch the full monologue above now.
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