Stephen Colbert took a page from, well, a ton of people Donald Trump has nominated for his upcoming second administration, launching his very own health grift, “pudding pills,” which he promised viewers on Tuesday’s “The Late Show” are “too healthy for FDA approval.”
“We don’t know exactly what Trump’s appointees are going to do in office, but we know that most of them are doing this right now… unregulated pills,” Colbert joked during his monologue. “Because a bunch of Trump’s nominees are selling vitamins on the side. For starters, Trump’s pick to lead the FBI cash Patel… has been on truth social promoting pills that he says can rid your body of the harms from COVID-19 vaccines.”
“Oh, so maybe Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend was right,” Colbert added, “it does inflate your testicles. It must, because selling these fake pills takes giant balls.”
“You can also buy supplements from Trump’s pick for Surgeon General, Fox News Medical contributor, Dr Janet Nesheiwat. Dr Nesheiwat sells a supplement called a BC boost, and the website has helpful answers to all of your questions, like, ‘how large are the capsules?’ The answer: Size one capsule,” Colbert continued.
Then he talked about the Trump appointee who would have the most influence over this kind of thing, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who Colbert joked looks like an “angry Slim Jim.”
“Junior is on the record as saying he takes a ton of vitamins and nutrients, which is why he’s seen as an ideal ally of the supplement industry, as well as some of the biggest customers, who are known as crunchy moms,” he continued. “Crunchy moms, of course, also Kellogg’s least successful breakfast cereal. They’re your mom.”
This is how Colbert got to his own grift.
“I believe it is wrong that these public figures are taking advantage of their power to get rich on untested supplements when I’m not doing that. But that ends tonight. Introducing Dr Stephen Colbert’s miracle pudding pills,” he said.
“These pills are jam packed with pudding macronutrients, most of which are deemed too healthy for FDA approval, using the time tested power of pudding,” he continued, promising that “these pills will eliminate toxins, boost your immune system and give you an erection that will last for 40 years. And if you don’t have a penis, they’ll grow you one.”
Watch the whole monologue below: