Judging by his “Late Show” monologue, Stephen Colbert doesn’t appear to be a big fan of the news that the CDC might severely loosen guidelines concerning the spread of COVID-19, joking that the agency’s new slogan is “JK. LOLz.”
On Tuesday, it was reported that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is considering ditching the five-day isolation period for people who contract COVID-19. Instead, the agency may advise just one day of isolation before returning to work or school. Effectively it would make the national policy toward COVID-19 match other airborne viruses like the flu or RSV.
“To quote the four words most often used to cancel vacations: There’s some COVID news,” Colbert joked. “We just learned that the CDC plans to drop its five-day COVID isolation guidelines. What? No isolation? You’ve been telling us for years that we need to be mindful of infecting our friends and neighbors.”
“They also announced this new CDC slogan: JK. Lolz,” Colbert continued.
“One of the reasons why this is such big news is because it’s the first loosening of COVID isolation recommendations since 2021, which is when they told us it was finally OK to leave our personal human hamster balls,” he said.
“So what are the guidelines actually saying? Well, from now on, you’re free to go back to your life if you’re fever-free for at least 24 hours without the aid of medication, and your symptoms are mild and improving,” Colbert continued. “So remember, when you’re riding in the elevator with Todd from accounting, and he’s coughing all the way to the 10th floor, it’s fine. As long as he was worse yesterday.”
Colbert also touched on several other topics, including the huge ratings for the Super Bowl. As Colbert noted, this year’s big game was the most-watched in history. “The game was watched by 123.4 million average viewers — and who knows how many really hot ones,” Colbert quipped.
In addition, Colbert discussed the snowstorm on the East Coast, Donald Trump’s attempt to install his daughter-in-law as cochair of the Republican National Committee, and the New York State House race to replace George Santos.
You can watch the whole monologue at the top of the page now.
