This year, Target has been selling a series of inclusive Christmas ornaments that among other things includes a LGBTQ-friendly nutcracker doll. Naturally, on Fox News the network’s various right wing anchors have been freaking out about it. In response, Stephen Colbert opened up Wednesday’s episode of “The Late Show” with a cold open mocking that (exaggerated and frankly pathetic) panic.
The joke came via a fake commercial for a “Macho Nutcracker” that assures Fox News types that they “can crack nuts, free from the lingering worry you’re playing into the gay agenda.” This was followed by a clever Village People reference.
If you need it, click here for a more extensive breakdown, but the gist is that the 2023 version of Fox News’ annual freak out over an entirely fictional “war on Christmas” involves the aforementioned inclusive Christmas ornaments. Per usual, Colbert’s cold open started with a supercut of newsclips explaining that. Then, the commercial rolled.
“Christmas is here. It’s time to hang the lights and decorate the tree. But you don’t want a nutcracker that’s taking the wrong side of the issue of Nutcracker sexuality,” the fake commercial said.
“Introducing Macho Nutcrackers. You can crack nuts, free from the lingering worry you’re playing into the gay agend,” the commercial continued.
“And yes, the macho Nutcracker also works by putting nuts into his mouth, but he doesn’t like it. It’s just his job,” the clip continues. “Macho Nutcrackers come in so many manly styles: A cowboy, a construction worker, an Indian, a cop, a sailor and a biker.”
This of course was the reference to the classic disco band Village People we mentioned above.
“So this holiday season, munch nuts the straight way with Macho nutcrackers,” the commericial’s narrator concludes.
“I’m straight… for nuts,” one of the Macho Nutcrackers insists.
Watch the whole clip at the top of the page now.