Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant introduced two new characters on this week’s “SNL”: the punny-named Officers Lez Dykawitz (McKinnon) and Chubbina Fatzarelli (Bryant). Presented as something of an over-the-top 1970’s crime-action serial, the skit detailed how officers “Dyke and Fats” saved Christmas (which, given the context of the situation, they apparently do every year.”
The skit opened with flashy narration over an action sequence. “What happens when Santa is kidnapped by one of Chicago’s most notorious gangs? Is Christmas canceled? Not with these two on the case,” said the narrator. “They are hard as iron. They are rough as guts. And if you’ve been naughty, they won’t be nice. It’s ‘Dyke and Fats Save Christmas.’ McKinnon portrayed fictional actress Dutch Plains, who in turned portrayed Officer Dykowitz. Bryant portrayed Velvy O’Malley, who plays Fatzarelli.
“This Christmas they’re getting Santa back by any means necessary,” the narrator declared. “Even if they have to kick every butt in town. It’s Dyke and Fats Save Christmas. Hyah!”
John Cena guest starred in the skit as the officers’ superior chief. He thanked them for their fine efforts in saving Santa Claus, and “respectfully” addressed them by their full names instead of their derogatory nicknames, but when it slipped that they were respectable “for broads”, everything went down the drain for the old-fashioned police chief.
Fats: “Aww, chief. Thanks for using our names.”
Dyke: “That shows a lot of respect.”
Chief: “Of course I respect you. You’re two damn fine cops. For broads.”
Fats: “Wait, what?!”
dyke: “You went back to the women thing?!”
both: “We’re back to that?!”
dyke: “We’re past that!”
fats: “No! No!
Dyke: [Throws pens in the air]
Fats: “No! We’re past it!”
You can check out the sketch yourself at the top of the post.