NBC is reportedly developing Charles Dickens’ “Oliver Twist” into a modern, female-driven procedural drama.
*Cough*
It’s the second such development announcement this week that has felt like TV scribes are merely playing Mad Libs with works in the public domain. The King Arthur legend will now be a series about a graffiti artist named Art, in case you hadn’t heard.
We figured we would try our own hand at this kind of dartboard development. Click on for our suggestions for idea-starved TV network executives.
“Luís and Clark”
Network: Fox
Based on: “The Journey of Lewis and Clark”
Luís Gonzalez (Oscar Nuñez, preferably) has spent most of his career in the Chicago PD. But after his wife and daughter are killed — bystanders in a shooting in Pilsen — he moves out west to the tiny town of Sisters, Oregon. There, he’s partnered with Clark Gottlieb (Chris Pratt). Lots of marijuana-related humor backed by deep personal loss.
“Paradise Found”
Network: Lifetime
Based on: John Milton’s “Paradise Lost”
Paradise is Manhattan’s most exclusive gentlemen’s club, lorded over by Tyne, the Goddess, who exercises absolute control over a large brood of “angels,” who serve her well.
But one of those angels, Lucy (20s, super sexy, of course), could be trouble. In the pilot, Tyne casts Lucy out of Paradise and into Queens (doubly clever because of the line “Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven”), along with several other angels. Lucy spends the series plotting Tyne’s destruction with her fellow fallen angels.
“Age of Aquinas”
Network: ABC
Based on: Thomas Aquinas’ “Summa Theologiae”
Meet Thomas Aquinas, a former monk turned guidance counselor at an impoverished inner-city high school. Can he make a difference in these kids’ lives?
“Moby Dick”
Network: Freeform
Based on: Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick”
The fictional seaside town of Moby, Massachusetts, can feel like the last bastion of decency in America, sometimes. But nothing gold can stay, and soon the innocence of the town’s youth is shattered when an unidentified male begins sending explicit images to high-school girls via Snapchat.
After a crash course in sex ed for the kids — and one in Snapchat for their outraged parents — the teen girls who have been receiving these disturbing messages go on a hunt to revenge themselves on this monster.
“Jane, Austin”
Network: The CW
Based on: Jane Austen‘s “Pride and Prejudice”
Jane is a smart, reasonably successful blogger who finds herself entangled in all sorts of social hijinks after catching the eye of a tech mogul at SXSW and moving to Austin to be with him.
“WDN-3000”
Network: NBC
Based on: Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden”
This sci-fi take on the Transcendentalist ur-text follows a solitary journeyman as he leaves his crazy life on Space Station NYCLA to head off to the Walden asteroid belt.
Along the way he learns a lot about life, love, happiness, and how to fix a hole in one’s breathing apparatus. Ideally executive produced by Jason Katims.
“The Time Machine”
Network: NBC
Based on: H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine,” maybe “Hot Tub Time Machine” as well
Our nameless protagonist spends most of the first season traveling back and forth in time, attempting to right wrongs and sometimes making things worse in the process, blah blah, you know, the usual time-travel shenanigans.
Here’s the twist: There is no time machine. Our hero is an unreliable narrator, and has actually been in a mental institution in 1963 this entire time. No one has ever done this before.
