Marvel’s latest Netflix series, “Luke Cage,” has a whole lot of characters. And we felt obligated to rank them. Or 39 of them, at least.
39. Uncle Pete
Well, he was a sexual predator. So.
38. Rackham
The fact that Luke’s origins as a superhero are connected to an abusive white prison guard is pretty delightfully ironic. We’re glad he’s dead.
37. Kitchen boss at Harlem’s Paradise
Sheesh, you cheapskate. If you’re going to have Luke tend bar, you could at least give him a jacket that fits.
36. Tone
He called Pop’s death and the destruction of his barbershop a casualty of war. Tone, if this was a war, you just nuked Switzerland.
35. Dante
“No one was supposed to die!” he wailed. Dante, you forgot the rule of thumb when it comes to guns: Never point your gun at anything unless you are prepared to blow it to bits.
34. Chico
Frightened, dumb kid who quickly got in way over his head with Cottonmouth. Unfortunately for him, Pop’s lessons didn’t sink in until it was too late.
33. Shameek
His macho attitude quickly led to his demise, but at least he held onto it instead of wimping out once Cottonmouth got his hands on him.
32. Alex
Is real eager to commit crimes on Mariah’s behalf, but he’s such a dope that I don’t believe he’d actually do anything interesting or fun or dangerous.
31. Lt. Perez
Wrote the textbook on how to be a crooked cop who is really transparent about it and basically beg to be caught.
30. Aisha’s drunk dad
Sits around drinking Colt 45s in the family memorabilia store after it gets trashed by Cottonmouth’s goons. It’s admirable, in a weird way.
29. Detective Scarfe
Has a dopey name, doesn’t know how to use chopsticks, and also he’s a dirty cop. But he’s not mean, I guess.
28. Inspector Priscilla Ridley
AKA Inspector By-The-Book. It’s hard to like police characters who really want to take down the good guy.
27. Connie’s husband, Jin
Why do those crooks want to kick this guy out? I’m sure he makes some mean sweet & sour pork. Take payment in food, dang.
26. Mama Mabel
A pretty large portion of the events of “Luke Cage” are because of really bad stuff she did decades before the present day of the series. We aren’t sure if that alone makes her a good or bad character, but her cutting off that one dude’s finger with her flower cutter puts her in positive territory.
25. Reva
Gotta respect a character who gets to give earth-shattering revelations even after she’s dead.
24. Domingo
Walks into Harlem’s Paradise, eats half a candy bar and casually tosses the other half and the wrapper on the ground, all while looking Cottonmouth in the eye. If this was a ranking of cool, Domingo would be near the top. But he’s not, because being cool is pretty much the only thing he’s good at.
23. Captain Betty Audrey
Doesn’t make a huge impression here, but after all those years dealing with McNulty it’s not a surprise that she’d mellow out. Yes, that’s a “The Wire” joke.
22. Dr. Burstein
Perhaps the most huggable unethical scientist we’ve ever seen.
21. Trish Walker
Only her voice makes an appearance, as we’re treated to an episode of her racio show “Trish Talk” where she talks about Luke Cage’s shenanigans.
20. Zip
He’s not exactly an extremely smart person, as he’s mostly just the muscle, but gets a decent bump for his surprising survivability.
19. Thembi Wallace
Deserves mad props for getting in on the ground floor of the “Mariah is corrupt” movement. And for not being afraid to walk into Mariah’s home and make her mad.
18. Squabbles
Jeez, is every mentor figure in Luke’s life destined to suffer a tragic demise? It’s unfortunate, because Squabbles is the best character name in the series.
17. Bobby Fish
What barbershop would be complete without a wisecracking chessmaster with great facial hair?
16. Candace
A tragic figure, one of those people who gets caught up in events because, more or less, she’s just unlucky.
15. Biggie
Steals every scene he’s in!
14. Connie
She started out as the stereotypical pushy landlord, but becomes more thanks to Luke’s heroism. Also, major points for owning a restaurant with a great pun name (Ghengis Connie’s).
13. Turk
Watching Cottonmouth throw Tone off a building didn’t faze him. “I’m going back to Hell’s Kitchen where it’s safe,” he mutters. Considering he usually gets beat up by Daredevil when he hangs out in Hell’s Kitchen, we’re assuming that’s some good irony there. We approve, of course.
12. Aisha
When Cottonmouth’s goons steal her dad’s baseball championship ring, she just goes out and beats up one of them while demanding it back. Pretty good, considering she’s pretty small.
11. Claire’s mom
Runs a diner on her own — meaning she’s an small business owner and a job creator. Which might mean she’s the real hero in Harlem.
10. Luke Cage
He may be an unstoppable wrecking ball, but he’s also a huge cornball. Instead of Power Man, his nickname should be Harlem’s Dad.
9. Method Man
Luke Cage takes down a couple guys who are robbing a convenience store while Method Man is hanging out. And then Meth goes on the radio an performs a rap about Luke. I have absolutely no complaints.
8. DVD kid
Sells footage of superpeople doing superstuff that he and his partner shot with a really nice camera rig. Dude is going places.
7. Diamondback
Loves murder, loves the Bible and loves inventing outlandish weapons made from “alien metal” that are capable of penetrating Luke Cage’s flesh. Now that’s a bad guy you can bring home to mom and dad.
6. Pop
Yeah, he was basically the Harlem version of Uncle Ben (Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben, to be clear), but boy did he pull off the role well. He was a warm father figure who did the right thing. Always forward, good sir.
5. Shades
Functions kinda as a Sith lord, slaving away under his master until it’s time to rise up and take control. His obviously crush on Mariah is also delightful.
4. Claire Temple
She’s walked in an out of every Marvel Netflix series so far, managing to maintain her status as the most relatable person in each of them, thanks in large part to her exasperation with all this weirdness. Love it.
3. Cornell “Cottonmouth” Stokes
Now this is what a great villain looks like. Dude can soliloquy with the best of ’em.
2. Misty Knight
Has the investigative skills of Will Graham but is also, like, a cool person. So she’s amazing.
1. Mariah Dillard
Her slow evolution from poker-faced politician to apparently reluctant crime boss is a sight to behold. Actress Alfre Woodard absolutely destroys it.
