On Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” audiences were treated to a great example of a joke that really ought to exist as a real, actual thing: “Jeff Bezos: The Musical,” starring Broadway (and sitcom) great Jason Alexander.
Which, to be clear, really did feature the actual Jason Alexander. And George Takei as William Shatner.
The sketch — sadly just a fake trailer for the musical, and not actual four hours of it — charts the big beats of the billionaire’s life. This includes a hilarious origin story (“his troubled childhood”) in which as a child, lil’ Jeff got mad that his birthday present arrived by mail late, and vows to destroy all mom and pop businesses when he grows up.
Then it covers Amazon’s beginnings as an online bookstore in which Bezos, while personally packing up books, decides “f— books” and vows he’s “gonna sell crock pots and yoga mats, scented candles and hats for cats.”
The musical also features a song by the workers staffing Amazon shipping facilities, with a song about how they are forced to pee in bottles because they aren’t being allowed bathroom breaks. (Something Amazon straight up lied about before finally admitting it was true.)
Next is a wacky “Rent” parody song where Alexander’s Bezos sings about how much money he lost in his divorce from Mackenzie Scott.
This was followed by an appearance by Takei, playing Shatner in his Bezos-funded trip to space in 2021. And yes, the gag ends with a commentary on the impossible to ignore penis-shaped spaceship Bezos paid for.
“Cruisin’ past Jupiter, Mars and Venus, ridin’ through space in a giant penis, I’m free, so free, like two-day prime delivery,” Alexander sings.
Watch the whole clip above now. And Kimmel, if you’re watching, you should consider doing a full hour of this in between recreations of classic sitcoms.
