John Oliver may not have had an entirely new episode this week, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t have a new segment for fans. And in this one, he absolutely unloaded on “Air Bud.”
Now, to be clear, Oliver totally understands any confusion that might come at reading that sentence. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘He must get paid extra to do these web exclusives.’ I don’t!” Oliver prefaced the segment. He then followed up by stating it bluntly: “I’m not talking about ‘Air Bud’ because I have to, I’m doing it because I want to.”
From there, Oliver tore the mickey out of the 1997 sports comedy, making fun of everything from Air Bud’s actual basketball stats to how far the franchise has strayed from its original concept. You can watch John Oliver’s full rant on “Air Bud” in the video here and above.
First, Oliver took issue with the movie’s “fundamentally flawed premise,” looking at it from an ethical standpoint.
“It’s definitely unfair to introduce a new player, and suddenly claim he’s a registered member of the team, let alone when a state championship is on the line,” Oliver said. “Sorry, but when Kevin Durant goes down with an injury in a crucial game, the Nets don’t get to just bring in a random, unsigned, untested additional player. There are no surprise guests in basketball, isn’t that right Mr. Kevin Durant?”
At that point, the music swelled, the lights went up, and Oliver made a show like Durant would be welcomed on stage — but he wasn’t. “It’s the playoffs right now, plus this is a web exclusive about ‘Air Bud.’ It would’ve been insulting of us to even ask,” Oliver joked.
From there, the “Last Week Tonight” host tore into Air Bud’s — or Buddy, as is his given name — actual game stats.
“Two steals, five assists, two free throws, and four field goals. That is it. That is his entire box score,” Oliver listed. “Now I’m not saying that that’s bad. No one’s saying that’s bad, but is that dog an asset to the Fernfield Timberwolves? The showtime Timberwolves. I’d submit that he’s not.”
Taking a moment to then criticize the fictional team’s coach for allowing Air Bud such playing time, Oliver noted that he’s just trying to be fair.
“If Buddy was doing numbers, now if he’s putting up 30 to 40 points a night, we’re having a very different conversation right now. But he’s not, is he? I repeat: four field goals. And apart from the steals, he’s a complete liability on defense.”
In total, Oliver goes on a near 15-minute tear about the sports film. And in the end, there’s no twist or anything. Oliver simply wanted to rant about “Air Bud.” Even he’s a little confused why anyone would sit through such a long tirade — but he’s grateful for it.
“Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” will return with a new episode on May 1 on HBO.