If Toys ‘R’ Us really are going to get back into business, then they’re gonna have to find a new spokesperson, because Geoffrey the Giraffe has gone off the rails …
The retail giant shuttered hundreds of stores over the summer but a planned bankruptcy auction this week to sell off assets was canceled as a group of investors are working to try and revive the toy chain.
Jimmy Kimmel celebrated the potential return of Toys ‘R’ Us by having Geoffrey the Giraffe on his late-night show Thursday, but it was a good job the kids had gone to bed as the long-necked mascot dropped F-bombs and swore like a sailor.
“Guess who’s back, bitches!” Geoffrey screeched as he pushed a shopping cart full of toys onto the stage.
Kimmel asked how the business is going to work if no one is shopping at the stores anymore, and the simple answer according to Geoffrey is, “we’re going to sell drugs.”
“As a matter of fact, these Hatchimals are full of cocaine!” the junkie giraffe announced as to cheers from the audience.
“That’s nothing to cheer about,” Kimmel scolded. “That’s dangerous for children, and it’s a felony.
The response? “Tell that to a giraffe who gives a s–t.”
Check out the new lyrics to the Toys ‘R’ Us theme song in the video above.
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!” airs on ABC at 11:35 p.m.