Jimmy Kimmel is feeling the stress of the election. The ABC host started his 16-minute opening monologue on Monday night by venting about his extra hour of “night terrors” thanks to Daylight Savings Time and tearing into “dumb” political pollsters.
“I don’t know anything. No one does. Even the people who say they do, they don’t know anything. These polls, they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for bipolar,” Kimmel said.
The late night host, who is typically known for his suave style, took a rapid-fire joke approach the night before the 2024 election. Kimmel likened pollsters to women who claim they can tell “your baby’s gender.” He also said he was fed up after seeing one poll that said Kamala Harris was winning Iowa by three points and another saying Donald Trump was winning the state by 10 points.
“Which is fine, by the way. Let him be president of Iowa. She can run the rest of the country,” he joked.
Kimmel also stated that there’s “no magic involved.” “It’s heads or tails. At the end of this, the pollsters who were wrong will quietly disappear. The others will be like ‘I told you, one percent.’ What did you tell us? You called 800 losers who didn’t have enough sense to not answer an unknown call, that’s all you did,” Kimmel said. “The results of the polls on ‘Family Feud’ are more scientific.”
To emphasize his point, he brought out an election-themed “Family Feud” board with options like RFK Jr., Trump, Kamala and Nobody Knows Anything.
“We don’t know anything, but we let these polls dictate whether we feel like throwing up or not. It’s dumb. We’re dumb. And after tomorrow, we’re going to find out exactly how dumb we are,” Kimmel concluded.
Watch the full opening monologue above.
