Jimmy Kimmel started Thursday’s episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” with a fairly bleak joke. “We’re now 18 days away from the election,” he said, “and 95 days from our next insurrection.”
But Kimmel was focused less on the threat of another attempt to override the will of voters and more on how annoying the final days of election season can be. Especially thanks to communications from the candidate he called “Con Juan” (obviously, Trump).
“The window to reach voters is closing and the texts and emails asking for money are ratcheting up. For reasons I cannot even begin to fathom, the race is very close. The pollsters are calling it a toss-up, as in, ‘I’m about to toss-up my lunch from this election already,’” he continued.
“But Trump holds a commanding lead in the annoying emails department. That’s for sure. According to the New York Times, the Trump campaign has sent more than 7,400 emails asking for money since he entered the race in November of 2022. That’s around 11 emails a day for almost two years,” Kimmel went on.
“You know, a lot of times, these emails have subject lines like ‘Action Required’ or ‘Confirm Payment Information!’ Basically, the same tactics hackers use to steal your grandma’s social security number,” the comedian noted. “But sometimes he sweetens the pot with an exciting offer.”
At that, Kimmel discussed how he’s on Trump’s mailing list and had recently received an email promising an invitation to see Trump at his Florida resort by entering a contest. And, of course, Kimmel then had to explain how you enter the contest by donating to the Trump campaign.
But after detailing several extremely grift-y details about these emails, Kimmel said, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m being too cynical.”
“Maybe, maybe at Thanksgiving dinner, after grace, Trump tells his family to quiet down and reads aloud the bigliest, most beautiful Thanksgiving card, filled with the names of five thousand people who donated eleven hard-earned dollars apiece and gives thanks to God for each one of them,” Kimmel said, clearly being sarcastic.
Watch the whole monologue below:
