The Senate may be having a hard time getting a straight answer out of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., but Jimmy Kimmel is offering the world an alternative: RFK Jr. Junior, a horrifyingly swole puppet with floppy legs encased in far too tight jeans.
During his Thursday night monologue, Kimmel referred to RFK Jr. as “a man whose views are so demented, they should come with a warning from the surgeon general.” He then outlined several of the politician’s questionable statements during his confirmation hearing, including denying that he sexually assaulted a former babysitter while claiming he apologized to her “for something else” the same day the story broke, to claiming that he does not believe vaccines cause autism. To back up that latter point, Kimmel played an interview where RFK Jr. clearly tells Jesse Watters, “I do believe that autism does come from vaccines.”
“He lies about important things. You can’t get a straight answer out of Robert Kennedy Jr.,” Kimmel said. “But you might be able to get one out of Robert Kennedy Jr. Junior.”
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!” then debuted its RFK Jr. Junior puppet, who started his interview by asking, “Is that you, brain worm?”
Throughout the segment, RFK Jr. Junior tore through a CVS, “getting rid of all these poisons that you call medicine.” After several failed attempts, he finally picked up a bottle. “This is a medication for Lupus. Gone!” the puppet shouted, throwing it to the side. He also vowed to eliminate all sunscreen.
“SPF is a hoax. I’ve never worn sunscreen a day in my life and look at me. Don’t I look healthy?” RFK Jr. Junior said, flexing his muscles and posing. This was seconds after he was severely impaired by a fit of laughter.
RFK Jr. Junior then told Kimmel that he’s going after “Big Aqua” once he’s done with Big Pharma and that he’s going to replace fluoride in the water with piranhas.
“How do people stay hydrated?” Kimmel asked. “With baby chick smoothies. You take a baby chicken and maybe some mice. You put them in a blender. You turn it on, you drink that,” RFK Jr. Junior said, referencing his cousin Caroline Kennedy’s recent letter about the real RFK Jr. When Kimmel mentioned his family member, the puppet menacingly said, “I ought to hunt her down for that.”
The bit ended with RFK Jr. Junior apologizing for sending Kimmel a picture of “a very sun-damaged penis.” “My mistake. That was for a reporter I know,” he said. Watch the full ABC clip, above.
