Jimmy Fallon discussed the expected record holiday travel this Thanksgiving during his Wednesday night “The Tonight Show” monologue, and had some good news for weary travelers. “If you’re currently at the airport, you will make it home for Christmas,” he joked — obviously referring to how uniformly terrible airlines have been treating customers in recent years.
“So yeah, airports are slammed, but to help keep up the pace, all the moving walkways are now going 50 miles an hour,” Fallon continued. “Meanwhile, rain and snowstorms are going to wreak havoc across the country tomorrow. Delta said they’re hoping everything can remain on time, while Spirit Airlines said ‘our planes are made out of cardboard and popsicle sticks.’”
“So we’re going to call the delays right now try to pair of weather systems,” Fallon said, referring to the so-called “Artic outbreak.” About that, Fallon said, “You know it’s serious when they describe the weather in Listerine flavors.”
Earlier in his Thanksgiving Eve monologue, Fallon offered viewers helpful tips if they can’t get the requisite dinner item.
“If you haven’t finished all your grocery shopping for tomorrow, might be tough to find some items at the last minute, but luckily, we’ve got you covered. Take a look at some of these helpful Thanksgiving substitutions. For instance, if you can’t find a turkey, you can slap two booties on a Costco rotisserie chicken,” he suggested.
“If you can’t find wine, you can bust out the expired Robitussin, and it works,” Fallon continued.
“If you can’t find a gravy boat, get this. You can run your neti pot through the dishwasher and call it a day,” he suggested.
“If you can’t, if you can’t find mashed potatoes, corn and mac and cheese,” Fallon went on, “you can DoorDash Boston Market, then put a finger to the delivery guy’s lips and whisper ‘our little secret.’”
“And finally,” Fallon said, “if you can’t find salad, you can forget about it, because nobody really wants any.”
Watch the full monologue below: