Stephen Colbert made a ton of wishes come true Thursday night, courtesy of “What We Do in the Shadows” star Harvey Guillén, and some really mean jokes about serial liar/congressman George Santos.
Of course you know where this is going. Every since Santos became a figure of national interest last December — you know, after he was exposed as a grifter, con artist and serial liar — the consensus among people paying attention to it is that Guillén would absolutely kill it if he portrayed Santos.
We’re pleased to report that the consensus was not wrong, and Guillén delivered a delightful 5 minutes of fun jokes mocking the Long Island Republican’s many, many, many, many lies.
The premise of the gag is that Colbert had somehow landed an interview with the congressman, who was being piped in via satellite from a hallway in the House of Representatives. From there, it was basically just Colbert running down the greatest hits of Santos’ deceptions, and Guillén living up to all of them.
The bit began with a simple acknowledgement of just how much Santos lies, with Guillén-Santos claiming he’s been a guest on “The Late Show” 5 times. “And I was also your band leader, Jon Batiste,” ‘Santos’ said, mispronouncing the name as “Batistay.”
Asked to clear up all the lies he’s told, Guillén’s Santos said, “what’s to clarify? Everything I’ve said as been the truth. Or my name isn’t George Anthony Devolder Santos Kitara Zebrowsku John Jacob Jingleheimer Cellino & Barnes.” And yes, Guillén sang that last one.
They touched on the story that Santos, who publicly criticizes drag queens, used to be one. They touched on his false claims to have attended both NYU and Baruch. Then they touched on Santos’ claims to have been a volleyball start — complete with Guillén being horrible at the game and saying “touchdown!”
“Another win for Hogwarts,” Guillén’s Santos added.
Pressed about Santos’ fake charities, Guillén’s Santos tried to promote another fake charity, “gimmieyourmoney.net,” which, sadly, is not a real website. Then, pressed about IRL Santos’ false claims about his mother — he claimed she died on 9/11, then that she died sometime later, but of causes related to 9/11, and finally admitted that she died in 2016 — Guillén’s Santos pretended to be at his mother’s funeral right then.
“Do you know how hard it is to lose someone when they’ve already died three times?” Guillén’s Santos demanded.
You can watch the entire, delightful sketch, at the top of the page. And here’s hoping “The Late Show” brings Guillén back for more sometime soon.