Greg Gutfeld was over the “total eclipse mania” on Monday by the time “The Five” rolled around on Fox News, calling the media frenzy “worse than Jan. 6” in a monologue that earned chortles from fellow panelists Jesse Watters and Dana Perino.
Revealing that he did not make an effort to commune with eclipse enthusiasts as the moon passed between the Earth and the Sun on Monday, Gutfeld joked, “In my opinion, this is worse than Jan. 6.” He added that he thinks “it’s offensive how Fox has covered these clips.”
His reasoning was more incoherent than not, but his rant for why the eclipse is problematic mostly centered on mocking “woke” talking points of ableism, access, racism and preferred pronouns with added faux disgust, comedically heightening what he sees as liberals’ concerns.
“What about the people who can’t see it? And I’m not just talking about blind people — though I am, in a way,” he said. “But the millions suffering from climate insecurity, what about them? The people suffering from gender confusion. It’s systemic astronomical racism. Forget about the word ‘black holes.’ There are celestial nicknames that are still being used like ‘Siamese twin galaxies’ and ‘Eskimo nebulas’ — this is offensive! And I haven’t even touched on the equity problem here.”
The Fox News host, also known for late night’s “Gutfeld!,” said he “boycotted the eclipse because there’s no equity in how people were able to view this.”
“Some people could go on a roof, other people had to stay on the street. I find that disgusting,” he said.
He then paused, wondering aloud why “everybody” hated the eclipse (“and let’s be honest, we all hated it, it was stupid”), before determining that eclipses are the opposite of earthquakes — in a bad way.
“You cannot help but be disappointed by an eclipse with every anchor acting like they’re having, like, a massive out-of-body experience. But an earthquake never disappoints you because it just shows up. It shows up and you’re like, ‘Holy crap, there’s an earthquake!’” Gutfeld said.
He continued: “So what is this moral for you? The moral is: as a human being, don’t be an eclipse, be an earthquake. Don’t build yourself up over and over and over again, because you’ll just disappoint. Instead, you show up and you surprise and you impress people. That’s the lesson you learn from an eclipse.”
Watch the full “The Five” segment in the video above.
