Fourth in a series of reports on the new pilot season.
Previously:
Excuse Me, Mr. Scorsese — a Note From the Writer
Sarah Michelle Gellar and Other Pilot Hopefuls We Want Back From the Dead
From 'Alcatraz' to 'Chicks & Dicks': 6 Pilots We Want Greenlit (and 3 We Want Killed)
Think of a pilot script's teaser as the pilot episode of a pilot.
The first few pages of the script need to draw you in, surprise you — and persuade you that the story that follows is worth your time. Is this a show you'll watch for an hour? A season? A decade? That decision starts with the teaser, perhaps the most labored-over pages in the entire script.
In our exhaustive (OK, actually pretty enjoyable) reads of many of this season's network pilot scripts, we found a few that just wouldn't let our eyes go. So note to network executives: We'll be really bummed out if these don't become shows.
Here are our top eight:
"REM" (NBC)
Writer: Kyle Killen ("Lone Star")
Starring: Jason Isaacs (“Harry Potter”), Wilmer Valderrama (“That '70s Show”), Cherry Jones ("24"), B.D. Wong (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”)
Plot: After a tragic accident, a detective finds himself split between two realities: One where his wife died and son survived, and one where his son died and wife survived.
Opening: Det. Mark Britten (Isaacs) describes the accident to two different psychiatrists — one from each of his two realities — as viewers switch between the two worlds. In a remarkably short time, we meet his two partners in the two realities. And Britten gives his doctors an elegant explanation of how Britten's life, and the show, works: When he falls asleep in one reality, he wakes up in the other (think "Avatar"). Both doctors tell him his other life is a dream, and this is real. When he hears it the second time, he retorts, "That’s exactly what the other psychiatrist said."
Also read: Get the Lowdown on 'Wonder Woman,' 'Alcatraz' and Every Other Network Pilot
"Rookies" (CBS)
Writer: Richard Price ("The Wire")
Starring: Leelee Sobieski ("Public Enemies"), Terry Kinney ("Oz")
Plot: Six diverse rookie cops explore the real New York.
Opening: You didn't think Price was going to blow this, did you? We meet six very different people, who range from an ex-member of the White House Military Color Guard to a former NBA star, as each gets on the subway while carrying dry-cleaning. And then we realize that they're all going to the same place. And that all the dry cleaning is the same. They're the rookies of the title, carrying their brand new-uniforms. They're uniform with one another in that way alone. In a series of flashbacks, we learn how unique they are.
"Special Investigations L.A." (NBC)
Writer: Stephen Gaghan ("Traffic," "Syriana")
Starring: Jimmy Smits ("L.A Law"), Noah Emmerich (“The Walking Dead”), Mädchen Amick (“Twin Peaks”)
Plot: A study of Los Angeles seen through interconnected Angelenos, including the mayor, one of his aides, a young drug dealer and the elite law enforcement team that gives the show its title.
Opening: Gaghan doesn't start with a tease — he just starts. We're quickly immersed in the overlapping worlds of the show's characters, with no exposition or gimmickry. Two Vietnamese criminals buy guns at a baby store. A lawyer (Amick) skillfully coaches her witness. And the mayor (Smits) delivers a patriotic speech. As he wraps up, the Vietnamese men reach into their jackets — and pull out flags. Soon we meet the lawyer's cop ex-husband, a high school drug lord, an illegal immigrant out to improve his life through black-tar heroin and the real victim of those guys with the guns.
"The Last Days of Man" (ABC)
Writer: Jack Burditt ("30 Rock")
Starring: Tim Allen ("Home Improvement"), Nancy Travis ("So I Married an Axe Murderer")
Plot: A father of three ruminates about what it means to be a man today.
Opening: Given that everyone involved in Allen's return to television could probably phone it in and collect a paycheck, Burditt's script is surprisingly sharp, and funnier than it needs to be. All the elements of the show — the characters, their conflicts, the quick banter — seem to be in the first scene in Tim and Vanessa's kitchen. She has job troubles. He tries to pretend he has any idea who her co-workers are and what they do. They talk about their troublesome kids. Vanessa tells her husband: "You pick at things and create problems that aren’t there." Tim retorts: "No, I find problems that are there and make everyone else aware of them. Some might call it a gift."
"Once Upon a Time" (ABC)
Writer: Edward Kitsis & Adam Horowitz ("Lost," "TRON: Legacy")
Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin (“Big Love"), Robert Carlyle (“Trainspotting”), Jennifer Morrison (“House, M.D.”)
Plot: When a young boy purporting to be her son shows appears on her doorstep, Anna Swan (Morrison) is drawn into a town where fairy tales may be real and hold the key to unlocking her past.
Opening: The script by "Lost" veterans Kitsis and Horowitz scores by just being giddily weird. A retelling of "Snow White" — featuring Snow with a sword — turns out to be unfolding in a storybook read by a boy on a bus. That boy arrives at the door of a smart but lonely bailbondswoman — scratch that, she prefers bailbondperson — who he claims is his mother.
"How to Be a Gentleman" (CBS)
Writer: David Hornsby ("It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia")
Starring: Hornsby, Kevin Dillon ("Entourage"), Mary-Lynn Rajskub ("24"), Dave Foley (“NewsRadio”), Rhys Darby (“Flight of the Conchords”)
Plot: A buddy comedy about an old-fashioned, uptight columnist and his rough-around-the-edges friend and trainer.
Opening: Other pilots could indeed take lessons from this one in how to be sweetly ingratiating — and efficient. But there's plenty of cynical bite, too, given that this is the brainchild of star Hornsby, a producer of the wonderfully surly "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." We follow an old-fashioned gentleman through his routines as we see just how little people appreciate his genteel ways. (When he gives a homeless man an apple, the man chucks it at his head.) The quick closing sequence shows us how lonely the chivalrous life can be: After a crowd of people sing him "Happy Birthday," we realize they're the waitstaff at the restaurant where he's celebrating alone. All this in two-and-a-half pages.
"Ringer" (CBS)
Writers: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (“Supernatural”)
Star: Sarah Michelle Gellar (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”)
Plot: A former stripper assumes her wealthy identical twin sister’s life to escape from the mob—but finds that other terrible people want a piece of her new identity, too.
Opening: “Ringer” was the first drama pilot picked up by CBS this season and we can see why. The teaser opens with a bang, with Gellar’s Bridget getting her head bashed in by a masked thug, but the real hook is that the pilot script quickly grabs you with snappy one-liners (“Guy’s got a rod up his ass,” deadpans Bridget a few pages in) that should excite any Gellar fan. There aren’t any vampires, but who knows what November sweeps might bring.
"Little in Common" (Fox)
Writer: Rob Thomas (“Veronica Mars,” “Party Down”)
Stars: Rob Corrdry (“Hot Tub Time Machine”), Paula Marshall (“Gary Unmarried”), Kevin Hart (“Death at a Funeral”), Gabrielle Union (“Cadillac Records”)
Plot: Three sets of parents meet and bond while attending their kids’ various sporting events.
Opening: The teaser is set at a Little League game, and a white couple (Corrdry and Marshall) is complaining. “No way that pitcher is Donovan’s age,” says Marshall’s character, Ellie. “He’s got sideburns! Russell Crowe is pitching to our kid.” Later, their son Dononvan gets a pep talk from his black coach (Hart). “Look at ’em,” he says, referring to the other team. “The Deer Park Huntsmen. Average Deer Park home goes for $2.4 million. They’re looking down their nose at you, Donovan. This is more than a game. This is class warfare. This is your chance to stick it to Whitey.” Donovan looks at the other team’s mascot, a parent dressed in a long red coat, riding breeches and a wool-felt top hat. “You know I’m white, right?” asks the kid. His coach responds: “Not to me, kid. Not now. You’re better than that.” Think "Party Down" meets “Modern Family."