As “The Daily Show’s” Michael Kosta tackled President Donald Trump’s global trade war against Mexico and Canada, the sitting host suggested a better way for the northern neighboring country to insult Americans.
“All of Canada is lining up behind [Prime Minister Justin] Trudeau. Like Ontario’s Premier Doug Ford, who came out to warn America about the consequences of a trade war, although in a confusing way,” Kosta said on Tuesday as production queued up a snippet of Ford addressing the American people.
“The people of the U.S., which I absolutely love the American people, they are going to be paying more. The market is going to go downhill faster than the American bobsled team,” Ford said shadily.
The Comedy Central show then cut back to Kosta, who weighed in on the quality of the jab.
“Ohhhh, sick burn! I think? I mean, it sounded like a slam, but if the market will go downhill really fast, that means our bobsled team is also fast,” Kosta questioned. “And is isn’t — isn’t that like a compliment? Our bobsled team is supposed to go fast, right? Unless, he’s saying our bobsled team is slow, which is a slam, but then that means the market will not go downhill fast, which is good for our economy. This metaphor does not make any sense. The point is Doug Ford is forcing me to learn about bobsledding and I do not appreciate that. Is there a Canadian who can make an analogy that’s a little less confusing?”
Giving Canadian leaders another shot at dissing the American people, he then brought up a clip of Donna Reardon, the mayor of Saint John, New Brunswick.
“I mean, we have been in this comfortable relationship with our American cousins and we are being attacked. So we are breaking up with the U.S., and it’s time to move on,” Reardon then said in a clip.
“Yeah, we are — we are cousins, but we are breaking up? This analogy is even worse than the bobsled. You cannot break up with your cousin,” Kosta explained. “Sure you can both go off and get married and start your own families and try to convince yourselves you have moved on, but she is still there at Thanksgiving every year. And yeah, she brings her new husband and she laughs at his jokes, but deep down you can see in her pale blue eyes that she is sad. And I’m sad too, Stephanie. I know she can see it in my eyes, which are the same color as hers, because we are related. And that’s — and that’s why we cannot be together … They are the nicest country on Earth, the sexiest cousin, and look what we have brought them out to do.”
On Tuesday, Trump officially fulfilled his promise to launch a trade war against Mexico and Canada, imposing a 25% tax on Mexican and Canadian imports, with a 10% levy on Canadian energy, per AP News. As a result, Canadian and Mexican leaders have spoken out against the move. Canadian people and business owners have also reacted to the tax in the form of booing the U.S. national anthem and renaming a popular coffee drink from an Americano to a Canadiano.
“Damn, Canada’s respect for America has gone down faster than Curtis and Hubert Stevens, gold medalists in the two-man bobsled at the 1932 Lake Placid Olympics,” Kosta said, bringing it back to Ford’s bobsled jab. “Now that’s how you do a bobsled metaphor, Doug.”
However, the international beef does have Americans like “The Daily Show’s” Grace Kuhlenschmidt feeling more empowered to rep her home country.
“America is definitely in the wrong here. We are the bad guys. We suck. And when you have made a mistake, you have to take accountability and tell Canada to shut the f–k up,” Kuhlenschmidt said. “Yeah, listen, America is in the wrong, no ifs, ands or buts … Buuut, when Canada starts talking s–t, my dormant patriotic instincts bubble up and suddenly I’m proud to be an American, which is crazy, because I’m not.”
Kuhlenschmidt went on to share that she’s gone so American that she is a Ford F-150 while wearing American paraphernalia, including a shirt featuring the American flag and a bald eagle pooping a maple.
“When that guy called our bobsled team slow, that piece of s–t!” Kuhlenschmidt continued. “I want to take Canada’s side, but when they boo our national anthem, I’m going to have to s–t on theirs. ‘Oh, Canada’ is in G major. I’m surprised it’s not in A minooor … I do not really know what that means.”
