On Thursday’s “The Late Show,” host Stephen Colbert was sorry to report that Sen. Elizabeth Warren became the latest candidate to drop out of the 2020 presidential race.
“Folks, I’m afraid I have sad news for fans of competence,” the host lamented during his opening monologue.
The one-time Democratic frontrunner was forced to suspend her campaign after failing to win a single state in the primary election known as Super Tuesday. She even came in third place in her home state of Massachusetts behind Senators Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders.
Warren’s main faults, according to Colbert, included “being able to finish a coherent sentence” and “not having a penis.”
“Warren is gone now, that’s it, she’s out of the race, further proof that America cannot have nice things,” the late-night host added.
Though the senator was soundly beaten by Sanders and Biden at this critical point in the presidential race, Colbert admired the grace with which she exited the race.
“I will carry you in my heart for the rest of my life,” she wrote in a parting statement to her staff on Thursday. “If I leave you with one piece of advice: chose to fight only righteous fights.”
Despite her surge of popularity in election polls last July after a slew of successful rallies and positive press, Warren’s star faded in recent months. Her ideas on healthcare, immigration and the economy failed to sway votes away from Sanders or Biden who represent drastically different lanes of the Democratic party–socialist-leaning progressives and old-school moderates, respectively.
“Despite her best effort, that Democratic road still has just two lanes,” Colbert said. “And two drivers who should probably have their keys taken away.”
Watch the whole clip below.
TONIGHT: The presidential race says goodbye to Senator Elizabeth Warren. #LSSC pic.twitter.com/MXLddL8KZP
— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) March 6, 2020