Right from the top, Stephen Colbert devoted his Tuesday night monologue on “The Late Show” to the raid of Donald Trump’s Florida home by the FBI. And as you can imagine, he was delighted by it. He even referred to a statement that the raid happened as “the most beautiful sentence America has ever produced. It’s right up there with, ‘We put cheese inside the crust.’”
On Monday, Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida was raided by FBI agents executing a no-knock search warrant. We still don’t know precisely what the raid concerns, but multiple reports assert it’s related to Trump having taken classified information and also White House property that doesn’t belong to him, when he left office in 2021.
“I feel bad for those agents,” Colbert joked. “‘Sir, I finished searching the cabinet full of empty chicken buckets, where should I go next? (Please don’t say the bathroom please don’t say the bathroom).’”
“So we know the raid happened. We still don’t why the raid happened, because we don’t yet know what was in the warrant. Think about that. We’re talking about the former president of the United States of America, the FBI raids his home, and all we can think is, ‘Hmmm, I wonder which of his crimes they’re investigating? ‘Cause he’s done so many, it’s hard,’” Colbert continued.
“At this point, he can’t keep track,” Colbert added, imitating a traffic stop. “‘Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?’ ‘Uh, let’s see, the body’s in my trunk; uh, the meth in the glove compartment; the back seat full of illegal spider monkeys who definitely got into the meth. No? Oh it’s the busted tail light? Fair enough, I was kidding about the other stuff.’”
Colbert continued: “Apparently the FBI raid is part of an ongoing investigation launched by the National Archives and Records Administration. That’s right, he’s gonna get taken down by the librarians, OK? Oh, they’re coming for you baby! They’re organized, they know where everything is and you never know which way they’re coming ’cause they’re so quiet. They are silent but deadly.”
You can watch the entire monologue in the video above.
