Hey, did you have fun mocking the news about M&Ms today? So did Stephen Colbert, who used that news as the inspiration for a cold open gag celebrating “one candy brand refusing to change its overly sexualized character.”
So context: On Thursday, Mars Wrigley, the snack food giant that among other things owns M&Ms, announced that the M&Ms mascots — you know, the anthropomorphic, slightly cannibalistic M&Ms — will be getting a makeover to reflect a “more dynamic, progressive world.”
This mainly means the female M&M characters will be less cartoonishly sexualized, with Green exchanging her go-go boots for sneakers, and the ad campaigns dropping the occasional antagonistic relationship plot for a more supportive friendship. Also, the M&M characters will also reflect a wider range of body types.
It’s 2022 so you won’t be surprised to learn that this has provoked a ton of discussion and mockery. You might be surprised however that the mockery comes from across the political spectrum. It also includes Stephen Colbert and “The Late Show” writers.
Which brings us to that cold open gag, a super sexual re-edit of the “how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop” ad campaign from the 1960s and ’70s.
In the original ad, a young boy asks an owl named Mr. Owl how many licks it takes; Mr. Owl, clearly a selfish jerk, takes the Tootsie Pop from the boy and declares it takes three licks — because he then uses his beak to break the Tootsie Pop to get to the center.
In the Colbert Parody, things go a little differently.
“Let’s find out,” Mr. Owl says in a deep, sexy baritone voice. “One. Two. Threesome. Foreplay. 69.”
“I’m confused,” the young boy says.
“You see, owls say ‘who,’ but I say ‘who wants to take a ride on Mr. Owl’s magic beak of pleasure?”
“I’m gonna need therapy,” the boy says before walking off. Then we get a new slogan for the candy: “Tootsie Pop: Suck our ball.”
Watch it below:
And if you want to see just how much of a selfish jerk Mr. Owl was, watch the original commercial below: