“Late Show” host Stephen Colbert mocked the chaos that led up to California Congressman Kevin McCarthy becoming Speaker of the House during Monday night’s monologue.
“We had a little fun last week with Kevin McCarthy being dragged by a team of horses through a field filled with broken glass,” Colbert said. “But all good things must come to an end.”
After 15 rounds of voting, McCarthy secured enough votes to become speaker. The final vote wasn’t completed until 12:29 a.m. on Saturday.
“12:29, of course, the time famous for good decisions,” Colbert quipped. “All right, we just selected a new speaker, I’m gonna drunk dial my ex and eat this week old sushi.”
Though it looked like McCarthy was going to secure the votes during the 14th round of voting, Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz threw a wrench in that plan after voting “present.”
“That must have upset a lot of people because there’s nothing worse than being reminded that Matt Gaetz is in the room,” Colbert joked.
After that, Colbert noted that “all pluperfect hell broke loose” with McCarthy running up to and getting into a yelling match with Gaetz.
“Meow, get a saucer of milk. You can catch all the drama on the new Bravo hit ‘The Real House Guys of DC,’” he teased. “No, I am not here to make friends because I am Kevin McCarthy and no one will be my friend.”
The situation got even more dramatic when Alabama Congressman Mike Rogers approached the scrum and appeared to lunge at Gaetz before being quickly pulled away.
“Oh my God, I don’t know if men should hold political office,” Colbert mocked. “They’re just too emotional…It’s their damn hormones”
Colbert proceeded to show Rogers from another angle with his mouth covered by a colleague.
“I understand pulling away but why is he covering his mouth? What was Rogers about to say that they had to stop him?,” Colbert speculated. “Listen Gaetz, let me tell you something about the ending of Season 2 of White Lotus.”
After officially becoming speaker, McCarthy told reporters that the “great part” of the process was that lawmakers “learned to govern.”
“There are some things you shouldn’t learn through trial and error at the last minute,” Colbert said. “It’s like a surgeon saying ‘Well it took me 15 tries to open my CapriSun, but this triple bypass should be a snap. Now where’s the piece of foil on your chest where I poke the straw and suck out that heart attack?”
Meanwhile, Congressman Jim Jordan told Fox News that “sometimes democracy is messy” but argued that’s “exactly how the founders intended it.”
“Oh everyone knows the founding fathers loved chaos,” Colbert replied. “It’s right there on the preamble to the Constitution. We the people in order to form a more bam whap whap screw you Madison, I’m writing the Consitution now! Everyone will remember the name Charles Cosworth Pickney. Ow, my eye!”
Watch the full monologue in the video above.
