Unsurprisingly, on Friday’s “Real Time,” Bill Maher devoted the entirety of his monologue to the news that Donald Trump was found guilty on all counts in his New York criminal fraud trial.
“That woke him up,” Maher joked, referring to the frequency with which Trump (apparently) fell asleep in court during the trial, which concerned Trump’s efforts to illegally conceal the hush money paid to Stormy Daniels using campaign funds in 2016.
“Were you watching? Trump was incensed. He shot out of his chair, said to his lawyers ‘do something! What do you think I’m not paying you for?” Maher continued, referring to Trump’s reputation for stiffing everyone he’s owned money to.
“So yeah, he’s pretty distraught and pissed off these days, but I gotta say, Don, if there’s a silver lining to this, you finally did something that made Stormy come,” Maher continued, adding, “You know what they say, don’t do the porn star if you can’t do the time.”
Maher joked that Democrats “are trying not to gloat, but it’s hard. Hillary Clinton today tweeted. ‘Locke who up bitch?’”
“She did not tweet that,” Maher quickly clarified. “She thought that.”
“But of course this trial is not really over because, I can’t believe I’m saying these words, but Trump is appealing,” he continued. There’s gonna be a big talking point today — if they do it to me, this could happen to anyone. Yes. Of course. I’ll have to remember that next time. I’m cheating on my third wife with the porn star to pay her off when I’m running for president.”
You can watch most of Maher’s monologue at the top of the page now.
“Later in the monologue, Maher took a second to mock the whining, meandering press conference Trump gave on Friday morning in New York, noting Trump “went off on everything, ‘it was fixed, everything is rigged, everything’s unfair, everyone’s out to get him, it’s the worst day in the history of the world…’ and it was completely disjointed. All I gotta say is he’s still got it.”
“Remember all those Republicans were dressing like him? Yeah. Now they’re all in orange jumpsuit,” Maher also joked.
He concluded saying, “yes, it is funny and we can laugh but let’s not lose perspective here. This is actually a very sad day in American history when a former president and possibly future president is now an American felon. And then on the other hand, I feel like tonight I’m the guy who should be dancing, jerking off two guys.”