“The Late Show” took all of last week off, and as it turned out it was a very significant week in terms of Donald Trump’s unhinged actions and statements for host Stephen Colbert to miss.
“He did a lot, and it’s hard to figure out among all the things he did, which is the most, the most, which is the most of what he did,” Colbert said during his monologue. “Each one of the things he did individually seem so criminal, so catastrophic, that sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.”
But he did manage to focus on a few things. For example, the party-line confirmation of antivaxxer and conspiracy theorist Robert F. Kennedy Jr as Secretary of Health and Human Services.
“Well, I guess congratulations are in order. So I’m a big enough man, congrats, Polio! You did it. You and smallpox are gonna have a comeback,” Colbert commented. He then noted how Kennedy “got an immediate jump start on the crazy. Within hours of his appointment, he released a statement outlining a plan to look into any threat posed by the prescription of SSRIs, like Prozac and Zoloft. On the first day on the job, and he’s going after Zoloft that is so depressing, and now there’s nothing I can take for it.”
“It all comes from Kennedy’s long held conspiracy theories about pharmaceuticals, that antidepressants do things that they don’t do,” Colbert explained. “For example, he has likened SSRIs to heroin and falsely stated that they contribute to school shootings.”
Noting that we are now in “a time when lies are the coin of the realm,” Colbert said to “never forget that we can take solace in the truth and the beauty of the arts. Unfortunately, Trump also knows that, so last week, he named himself chairman of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and will dictate all future programming. Now there’s a president who’s focused on what really matters.
“Elon, you go fire anyone you want. Here’s everyone’s social security numbers. I gotta go pick the plays. Spoiler alert, it’s all cats. We are going to make skimble Shanks Jellicle again. And no, I have no idea what any of those words mean,” Colbert said imitating Trump.
“Trump purged the Kennedy Center board of everyone appointed by President Biden and replaced them with his own political allies, donors and their wives, including Second Lady Usha Vance,” Colbert continued. This helped him to tell some really fun couch jokes about Vance.
“Well, if her husband has any input, get ready to see ‘Kiss Me Couch,’ ‘Diddler on the Pouf,’ and of course, “The Sound of Me Porking the Sofa.’”
Colbert noted that despite the hilarious meme about the current Vice President being someone who has sex with couches, “He never did any of that. But I can lie too.”
Colbert also discussed some of the literal dictatorial statements Trump made, the shameful way so many institutions have caved to the propagandistic “Gulf of America” nonsense, and plenty more. Watch the whole thing below:
