As the host of his own late-night talk show “Arsenio” from 1989 to 1994, Arsenio Hall is no stranger to comic timing.
On Monday night, Hall thought it was time as guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” to bring back one of his signature segments from the syndicated show — with a profane twist.
“Back on my old show I used to do a thing called “things that make you go hmmm,” Hall said as he wound up his show-opening monologue. “Oh, some of you are over 40. Yes. Yes.”
As Hall explained, the bit featured stand-up style thoughts, and the punchline was followed by the audience chiming in with a collective “Hmmmmmm.”
The collective reaction on Monday night after Hall retooled the bit for a grateful audience?
“WHAT THE F—?!”
But being ABC, the f-bombs — of which there were many — were bleeped out. Being TheWrap, we’ll provide you with the highlights:
PEE-STAINED JEANS AS FASHION
“So I’m looking at the paper this morning, which means the writers woke up early to get me prepared,” Hall started out. “There’s a company selling something called ‘Wet Pants Denim.’ You see this? It’s a real thing. It’s jeans that make you look like you peed on yourself. I don’t know what that’s about. Saves us a lot of time and urine though, I guess. They cost $75, but you know you could pee on your pants for free, right?”
“That’s one of those that makes you go…”
“WHAT THE F—?!”
METHAMPHETAMINE-ADDICTED TROUT
“This might be one of the weirdest headlines I’ve ever seen. ‘Meth Pollution in the Waterways Turns Trout into Junkies,’” Hall said. “That’s right. Apparently areas where people smoke meth, it gets into the water and the fish start to behave like meth heads. Yes, they lose they teeth… they move to Riverside. I guess they get they stuff from Walter Whitefish.”
“That’s one of those pictures that make you say…”
“WHAT THE F—?!”
THE TIKTOK GARLIC-UP-SINUS CHALLENGE
“There’s a new trend on TikTok and people shove garlic up their nose to clear their sinuses,” Hall said. “Check this out! Ew! Eww! Eww — and that was the cleanest clip we could find of this syndrome. Why can’t these kids just snort Adderall like normal people? You know, come on!”
“Regardless, it’s one of those things that make you say…”
“WHAT THE F—?!”
Watch the whole bit at the top of this story, starting at the 4:20 mark.