Let me spoil this recap right from the beginning: James is fired for being too smart for his team, and perhaps too smart for this whole show. The majority of dudes on Team Octane are moderately educated, semi-intellectual, blue collar, good old boys and James sticks out like a sore thumb.
And by the way – Octane? Even their stupid team name evokes a sense of NASCAR meets MMA fighter douchery. Grow up.
The hallelujah-worthy highlight of the night is when Donald Junior has his first moment of clarity in 10 seasons, and accurately observes that James is just too much of an “elitist” for his team. I swear an actual chorus of angels sings when Donnyboy finally gets it right – and he is dead on. James is a thoughtful, articulate individual (albeit kind of a pussy) and his team just doesn’t, and actually probably can’t, understand him. The obvious exceptions are Steuart, who seems sharp, and the token ethic dude who is not the black guy, whose name I still don’t know.
Meanwhile, on the women’s team we have Tyana, the self-professed Ms. Cougar California. I personally wouldn’t admit that title out loud, but she seems to embrace her inner trashiness and I can appreciate that. What I can’t appreciate is that she puts Mahsa, who is openly afraid of all canines, in a room full of huge dogs. RUDE. I personally suffered from a paralyzing fear of dogs for most of my life so I became incensed by Tyana’s spiteful lack of respect or concern for her teammate’s mental state.
Conversely, I gained a tremendous amount of respect for Mahsa who not only took her crappy assignment in stride, but used it as an opportunity to conquer her fears. Mahsa has a big mouth and a short fuse, but at least she can back it up with balls.
In the end we are left with two teams of hot messes.
Girls
Broppy, the evil sorority bitches who need to just go away or die or something
Stephanie who is being given a final four, or even possibly a winner’s edit
Tyana, who evokes a sense of cheap perfume peppered with a life full of struggle. I don’t dislike her; I just don’t like what she did this week. Or last week. Or the week before.
Liza who I pray kicks Poppy in her teeth
Kelly who is a mute
Boys
Clint. Hee-haw.
Wade. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Steuart, who was pretty honest and articulate this week and will pay for it when David tries to kill him in his sleep
Gene who is stylish, yet thoroughly disappointing thus far
The hot ethnic guy who is really boring, so that means I do not want to have sex with him
David is a lunatic loose cannon who is immature, vengeful and possibly retarded. He is also the best character on the show and the producers know it. I hope they never fire him.
By the way, did you see Ivanka tonight? Her shirt could barely contain her chest. She was bursting with boobaliciousness. I think my boyfriend actually left my house tonight so he could go have some alone time with his thoughts about Ivanka. Who can blame him? I’m about to have the same thoughts right now.