If there’s a world record for most dick jokes made on late night television in one segment, Andy Samberg just crushed it.
The moment came when Samberg, who was appearing on “Late Night With Seth Meyers” as a guest, suddenly told Meyers that he wanted to “hijack” the whole show. He exited frame, then returned dressed as French Olympic pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati whose “giant dong” knocked over the bar during his the Olympic games, which ultimately cost him the win. Over the next four minutes, he cracked 15 dick jokes.
“You member when we were on ‘SNL’ and I’d sometimes come to your office because I saw a story that would make a funny ‘Weekend Update’ feature?” Samberg, who co-hosts the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast with Meyers, asked.
“Yes, of course,” the talk show host and former “SNL” head writer replied.
“OK, did you see that story this summer during the Olympics about the French pole vaulter who knocked the bar down with his giant dong?” Samberg said.
After Meyers agreed that it would have made for a good bit during their time on the sketch comedy series, Samberg said they could still take the opportunity now.
“Should we do it now though? Great! Wally, go get the cards!” Samberg said while running backstage to transform into character.
“In that case, please welcome the French pole vaulter who knocked the bar down with his giant dong!” Meyers exclaimed, settling right back into Weekend Update mode. Samberg then returned to the stage in a stereotypical French outfit: a black and white striped shirt, black pants, topped with a red beret. The first topic at hand was obviously fake Ammirati’s response to losing the Olympic medal.
“Oui, oui, it was sad to not when the gold, but on zee other hand,” Samberg said in a broken French accent. “The entire world now saw my gift.” He went on to say that his piece has always been an issue.
“Not just in the pole vault. I also tried hurdles, but I kept knocking them over. You see, the sum of my junk is quite grand, Seth. In French grand means big,” Samberg carried on, adding that he does plan to compete in the next summer Olympics, which will be hosted by Los Angeles in 2028.
“Oui, oui. It is either that or go back to my old job. I was how you say, a windshield wiper for trucks … And to the people of France who I let down, let me say I am sorry. Or as we say in France, pardon. Or as I say in my home, par-dong. Or, as they say in the bullpen of the office I work, ‘Holy crap, that guy just knocked everything off my desk with his giant wang.’ Is that how you say, Seth?’”
And as far as any complaints that Ammirati should have “tucked” his member, Samberg said: “I did!”
“Why, if I may ask, are you talking about this now? It happened so long ago,” Meyers questioned.
In response, Samberg said: “You know what else is so long?”
“I do,” Meyers replied with a chuckle. “I do.”
“As for why now, I left for New York as soon as the Olympics ended, but I traveled very slowly on account of my, how you say, big ‘ole floppy wiener,” Samberg said before pulling a long baguette for a snack.
“Seth, do you know what this reminds you of?” Samberg said to Meyers, who stated the phallic bread didn’t jog any memories for him. “I bet it does a little bit.”
When Meyers stopped Samberg’s bit to ask if it was appropriate for him to joke about the athlete, the comedian said it’s totally fine because: “I mean, if anyone can make jokes about people with huge dongs, it’s a guy with a tiny one.”
“I’m surprised you’re willing to admit that,” Meyers said.
“What, I was talking about you!” Samberg shot back, before going back into character.
Fake Ammirati then had a question about “Saturday Night Live” star Colin Jost.
“I saw your friend Colin Jost was at the Olympics. Is it true he lost a foot?” Samber inquired.
“No, no. He had an infection but he didn’t lose a foot,” Meyers answered.
“Ah, I see. Do you know how I could lose a foot?” Samberg asked Meyers before concluding his gags with: “Cut off a third of my dick!’”
