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Allison Holker Boss says she’s “still shocked” by the December death of her husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and emphasized that there were no signs that he was in distress, speaking with “Today Show” host Hota Kotb in her first TV interview since the tragic news.
Stephen “tWitch” Boss, a dancer and former DJ on ““”The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” took his own life at age 40.
“I still feel like the rest of the world where I’m still shocked,” Holker Boss tells Kotb. “No one’s ready for that moment and there’s no one that saw this coming. No one — and that breaks my heart too. I feel so sad that he was so there and we weren’t in the knowing.”
Holker Boss said people continue to ask whether there were signs that her husband was in distress.
“He wanted to be the strong one for everyone and I think that was a little scary for him to think that he might need to ask for help,” she adds. “He was so much love and light. He really wanted to be everyone’s Superman, and he said that a lot. He could hold so much for people, and I think it was hard for him to process that at the end.”
Kotb asked Holker Boss if she ever wondered if she missed something.
“I did it a lot in the beginning,” she says. “I eventually had to tell myself, I can’t change anything that’s happened.”
The two were married in 2013, and she had a daughter from a previous relationship. The couple then had two children together, a son born in 2016 and a daughter in 2019.
“I don’t really have any other choice but to be strong,” she said. “Now, they still see me have my highs and lows because there’s a lot of it,” she continues. “All I can do is just try to move forward.”
She then described having to explain what happened to her kids.
“It’s honestly something I wouldn’t wish for anybody. It’s really hard,” she says through tears. “But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that communication is key.”
“There’s been some really hard conversations,” she continues. “To us, Daddy’s in the stars. So we can go outside and talk to him whenever we want. … They just ask, ‘When is daddy coming back?’ and that’s a really hard one.”
“And then it’ll be a couple weeks later, ‘But does he come back when he’s older? Like, when Daddy’s older he’ll come back?’” she says. “But they are still children and still obviously want him here.”
Holker Boss also mentioned that Ellen DeGeneres has been a “huge support system” for her.