Pity the poor dedicated television viewer, barraged night after night with no shortage of puzzling questions.
Such as, “Another reality show set at a pawn shop? Really?” And, “Did Ryan Seacrest have himself cloned or something?”
Well, while TheWrap can’t say for sure whether there’s a secret underground lab pumping out an army of Seacrests to meet his ever-increasing appearance obligations, we were able to tackle a handful of nagging questions that gnaw at the brain during primetime.
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1. Why do characters in historical dramas and fantasy series always speak with British accents?
No matter whether a series is set in ancient Rome, prehistoric Egypt or some mythical land of murky origin (or seven kingdoms), the characters always sound like they just stepped out of “Downton Abbey.”
What’s up with that?
Steven S. DeKnight, the creator of Starz’s “Spartacus” saga, blames the phenomenon known as the Queen’s Latin: When your characters are supposed to be speaking a dead language, there aren’t a lot of reference points.
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DeKnight’s received queries from fans asking about the accents on “Spartacus” — which, he insisted is not necessarily British but “mid-Atlantic.” “I tell them, ‘Actually, they should be speaking with a Latin accent, but we don’t know what the hell that sounds like,” DeKnight told TheWrap.
Plus, he said, British is “what everyone’s become used to. It’s kind of become a kind of standard, expected accent for historical dramas.”
He also cited a third reason why characters in historical dramas and fantasy series tend to speak as though they’re preparing to sip tea with their pinkies extended: “There’s something about the English accent that elevates material.”
Quite.
2. When they barge into a suspect’s house, why don’t police ever station an officer at the back door or window? Don’t they get tired of chasing their quarry down a fire escape or through a back alley?
I mean, you’d think the cops would get sick of hitting a room, guns blazing, only to find an open window with the curtains flapping in the wind.
Two reasons for this: Where’s the drama in an easy capture, and actual detective work isn’t always the most riveting stuff.
Nicholas Wootton, creator of the CBS police drama “Golden Boy” and an executive producer and writer on “Law & Order” and “NYPD Blue,” conceded that a slip-away — even as improbable as it might seem — is necessary in the name of suspense and action.
“Ah yes, the easy escape,” Wootton told TheWrap. “Of course, I can’t answer for all cop shows, but I’ve always tried to make these escapes as realistic as possible — in that the police do all the diligence but there was an unknown path of escape. And depending on how it’s shot, this can serve as a way to frustrate police or make them look stupid, either avenue serving to feed their ire when they do get the suspect in later — which they always will — and get in his or her face during interrogation.”
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“Being a detective 90 percent of the time is the most boring f—ing job in the world,” pointed out former “Southland” star Michael Cudlitz. “Because you’re detecting — you’re combing through papers, you’re sifting through everything to get information. How do we make this exciting? Let’s make it so the guy runs out the back door — well, now it’s exciting, now it’s not detecting, it’s a f—ing chase movie.”
3. Speaking of cop shows, why is it that the bad guys always end up being the “special guest stars”?
A typical phenomenon in ripped-from-the-headlines fare: “Next week, Mr. Big-Shot Guest Star appears in a role that will shock you…”
Actually, most of the time it’s the opposite of shocking, because almost inevitably, the killer ends up being Mr. Big-Shot — or at least a highly recognizable character actor.
“Yes, it’s true that guest cast always have a sign over their head indicating potential guilt,” Wootton admitted. However, he notes, that actually can make the story stronger, by shifting the focus from the culprit’s identity to the culprit’s motive.
“A solution I’ve found is to write stories that aren’t really about whodunit but more about why ‘it’ was done in the first place,” he told TheWrap. “I’d prefer to figure out the identity of the killer/criminal earlier on and emotionally engage with their motive while trying to answer the dramatic question: Will our cops get the evidence they need to nail a guy they know is guilty?”
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Pam Douglas, a professor at the USC School of Cinematic Arts, where she teaches screenwriting, and the author of “Writing the TV Drama Series,” however, noted that the guest-star-as-baddie is a fading practice relegated largely to traditional, broadcast crime shows. In cable crime shows, she said, the rules tend to be less rigid.
“If you look at ‘The Killing,’ for example, there were any number of suspects that could or could not be [the guilty party],’” Douglas said.
4. Why do characters never get their change when they leave a taxi?
Sure, TV characters are often in a mad rush when they’re taking a cab — that’s why they’re not waiting for the bus. But do they like to just throw their money away? Especially in this economy?
“Frequently they don’t even pay the cabbie, which seems to be bad form. This is actually a pet peeve of mine,” said Neil Landau, a screenwriter whose credits include “Doogie Howser, M.D.,” “Melrose Place” and “The Magnificent Seven.”
But the need to propel the plot forward trumps petty concerns like fiscal prudence, Landau points out.
“Do we really want to spend precious screen time on boring things like getting change and visits to the toilet? The audience is to assume that the cab fare was close enough — and one bill can cover the fare and tip with a quick and easy exchange,” Landau told TheWrap. “With TV, the timeslot is always tight, so extraneous business and exposition are deemed insignificant. Most TV shows are not going for 100 percent reality, but just go for verisimilitude.”
5. Why do characters never say “goodbye” when they end a phone call?
We all know the scenario: The phone rings, and someone answers with a “hello” or a “yeah.” (Or, if the character is a cop, his or her last name, blurted out bluntly and wearily.) The conversation — or at least half of it — unspools, and then … nothing. The character hangs up without so much as a grunt for a goodbye.
People in real life are only that rude when there’s a telemarketer involved.
So why the lack of phone manners? As with the taxi fare, Landau said that abrupt hang-ups occur to maintain momentum.
“Most scenes in TV episodes are elliptical. We cut in and get out to keep the plot moving,” said Landau — who also serves as a visiting assistant professor and lecturer at the UCLA School of Film, Television and Digital Media. “With phone conversations, the most important information might be who a character is talking to and why … and once the vital info is exchanged, there is usually no need to show the end of the call.”
There are exceptions, Landau said — such as “when there’s something quirky and awkward about the call, such as an insecure character asking someone out on a date, then I feel we’d like to see the character squirm until he’s finally released from the tension of the call.”
Otherwise, as the saying goes, when you get the message, hang up the phone.