(Spoilers ahead, obviously)
The fifth season of FX’s “The Americans” is upon us, and we’re celebrating by ranking all the main characters. Plus Annalese.
23. Matthew Beeman (Danny Flaherty)
I don’t know what Paige sees in this dorkus.
22. Henry (Keidrich Sellati)
He’s grown up a lot over the years, but only physically. He hasn’t grown into being a cool person or anything.
21. Renee (Laurie Holden)
We’re still waiting to find out what Laurie’s deal is. She seems like she’s way too much fun for super-square Stan, with her interests in skydiving and karaoke. That Philip suspects he’s a spy goes to how weird it is she wants to hang out with Stan.
20. Stan Beeman (Noah Emmerich)
One of those guys who’s really good at his job but otherwise completely sucks as a person. Just a dopey suburban dad who cheats on his wife.
19. Frank Gaad (Richard Thomas)
Martha was a spy right under his nose pretty much for the entire run of the show, and then he got accidentally assassinated while on vacation in Thailand when some Soviets tried to turn him. Hard not to feel bad for the guy.
18. Sandra Beeman (Susan Misner)
The victim of a classic storytelling trope: being the woman who is mad at her husband for working too much. But “The Americans” is a good enough show, at least, to add plenty more layers to Sandra’s character as time went on. Becoming best friends with Philip for a while was pretty good.
17. Annelise (Gillian Alexy)
She only appeared in four episodes, but earns a spot here for her part in the most insane scene on the entire show: when Philip has to kill her and then he and Elizabeth break all her bones so they can fit the corpse in a suitcase.
16. Arkady (Lev Gorn)
Much cooler dude than Frank Gaad but got similarly duped. The spy boss getting outspied. Come on, man.
15. Claudia (Margo Martindale)
The Spy Mom of “The Americans” is maybe a bit too stern for her own good. Maybe try being nice sometimes? Sheesh.
14. Tatiana (Vera Cherny)
Great at doing spy stuff and climbing the Career Spy Ladder, but she broke Oleg’s heart. We can’t let that slide.
13. Tuan (Ivan Mok)
The possible outcome of starting page down the spy path, Tuan certainly seems diabolical and capable. This kid comes off like a young supervillain. He may even be running a job on the spies, which proves how good he is.
12. Pastor Tim (Kelly AuCoin)
Really novel character, being a Christian preacher who accidentally ended up being a Soviet collaborator, sort of. That hits pretty close to home in 2017!
11. Paige (Holly Taylor)
It’s easy to hate on Paige for being a dumb teenager, but she has started to put forth a good faith effort at becoming a Russian spy given she definitely never wanted any of this drama.
10. Nina (Annet Mahendru)
Did the best she could with every conceivable deck stacked hard against her. She was always going to get shot in the face eventually.
9. Hans (Peter Mark Kendall)
Sweet Hans. Not somebody who should have spent his life doing international espionage. But he’s an idealist, and there’s something to be said for that, but his split-second execution shows what it earns you.
8. William (Dylan Baker)
This dude infected himself with the Worst. Virus. Ever. once he realized he was about to get captured by the FBI. Easily the bravest thing anybody’s done on “The Americans.”
7. Chris Amador (Maximiliano Hernandez)
The man who was fridged in Season 1 so that Stan would get really mad and start his personal vendetta against Soviet spies. And his jealous paranoia about the new guy Martha was dating proved exactly correct. He was ahead of his time.
6. Philip (Matthew Rhys)
He’s toyed with betraying Mother Russia like a coward, but his endless supply of corny wigs and fake mustaches is too much to leave behind.
5. Elizabeth (Keri Russell)
Loves Mother Russia so much that she’d probably murder her kids for it even though she might feel bad about it. Gotta admire that level of patriotism.
4. Dennis Aderholt (Brandon J Dirden)
The absolute coolest and most ’80s character on the show — it’s always a good time when he’s in a scene. You just know he and Stan are gonna have some kind of faceoff eventually.
3. Gabriel (Frank Langella)
Spy Dad, unlike Spy Mom, knows when to take his foot off the gas. If you have to have a spy dad, Gabriel is about as good as it gets.
2. Oleg (Costa Ronin)
We like Oleg because he’s one of the only characters who’s pretty up front about what he’s doing at all time instead of playing games like everybody else does. It’s refreshing.
1. Martha (Alison Wright)
You may be tempted to knock Martha for freaking out when she found out she had accidentally been spying for the Russians for years. But, look, you’d react the same damn way (some Trump voters excepted). Martha is a great person.
